Barney Stinson

[Hello Johto! Today on Barney's blog you are receiving the rarest of all things, a travel entry. Yes, Barney has had an eventful last while what with crazy parties and floods and fourth walls breaking. Barney still isn't sure what to make of that weekend, since he's missing three days and all he can remember is zombies and boobs, but that is beside the point. He's on Route 39 now, and has been for about two days.]

Hey everyone! Can you see this place? This is a completely unnatural landscape. Look at it. It's flat. Completely and utterly flat. There is nothing here.

[He waves the camera around to reveal the boring flat farmland. And more than a few Murkrows. Maybe an odd Houndour if they're around.]

This has got to be the most boring thing ever, and it's all I've been seeing for like two days! That's not right! This place sucks. I never would have left Goldenrod if I'd have known that this is what I would have had to deal with. I'm going nuts out here since there is absolutely nothing interesting here! Just farms and music and a whole lot of nothing. The music isn't helping by the way. Really, it's not. God this sucks.

[There's a sigh as Barney stops ranting for a bit and walks for a bit, the screen simply showing the road. He then stops and appears on the screen again.]

So, anyone know how long it takes to get back to Goldenrod from Oli-whatever? 

[More walking and then another brief stop]

Oh yeah, I scored with the Olivine Joy, so that's four Joys now, what up?

[He goes back to walking for a bit. Think he's done? Not quite.]

Have there always been this many birds around? 

[The feed clicks on, the image shaky as it sounds like there's some commotion going on. It's hard to make out what's going on until the gear clatters to the floor and looks up at the roof. It's Barney's office, clearly, but it looks like there's a windstorm going on. And you might be able to see red and brown and purple blurs flying around.]

Robin, stop! Stop! Ted, no, don't use that!

[And all of a sudden, there's a blast of water, that really just succeeds in making everything wet. There are still blurs flying around. And to make a long story short? A angry ledyba found it's way into the Goldenrod Radio Tower. And after causing chaos in the lobby, found it's way into Barney's office. And of course the door closed so Barney's trying to deal with it. With a pidgey using gust and a Shuppet just having fun making a mess and a totodile just trying to help and poor Barney in the middle of it all not sure what to do. Until he finally gets an idea. Which involves coming out from under his desk, jumping on top of it, and grabbing the ledyba as it goes by. He falls to the ground, and you will now be treated to a few minutes of man vs. pokemon with the man clearly losing. At least until all his pokemon hit it with an attack. Barney lies there for a bit with the knocked out pokemon before sitting up.]

What the hell got into this thing? I've never seen one this mad, and coming into a building. I mean, even when I fought that....

Oh for the love of-- the stupid thing's ruined my suit! And this was my better suit to! Now what am I supposed to wear?

[and all previous thoughts are forgotten as we must deal with this outrage]

[So, you probably didn't see much of  Barney the week. That was due to the fact that he to was hit by the event as well, and hasn't been doing very well since, not necessarily psychologically, but physically. Hallucinations did happen, and he was visited by a very haunting melody from his past that shall not be talked about, and basically, Ted and Robin getting back together, and then them and Marshall and Lily leaving him alone forever. He was in a stupor and so Ted the Totodile figured that the best way to wake Barney up was multiple water guns to the face. On a cold foggy night. Although he won't admit it, Barney is sick. One of those nasty colds that won't go away.

However, he was found by the authorities and taken to the pokecenter in Violet where he is being well cared for by a Nurse Joy. The Video shows him lying in his bed at the pokemon center, looking rather pathetic, since he is trying to milk this for all it's worth. Even though he won't admit to that. When he speaks, he even sounds sick. Seriously, read this imagining the most pathetic stuffed up sounding voice you can imagine.]

Just to let everyone know, I'm alright. I got caught in that fog last week, and well, stuff happened. *sniff* I'm not sick though.

When I get sick, I stop being sick and be awesome instead. *sniff* True story. *coughing fit* *sniiiiiiffff*

Oh god, this sucks.

[He pauses and then holds up a pokeball]

I think I might have caught a pokemon but I'm not sure which one.  Anyone want to take bets on what's in here?

*cough cough sniff groan cough sniff*